My parents play this with me all the time! Waldo Faldo: Be careful he has another one. A spin-off of Perfect Strangers, the series revolves around the Winslow family, a middle-class African American family living in Chicago, Illinois. You know, Harriette, It's the thought that counts. They misspelled three words. Now, I may have taken a sip of my mom's coffee, but I Chain: I'm talkin' about the other kind of wired! Harriette Winslow: Harsh? Steve Urkel: Well, I didn't have one. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Caterer trainees. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [to Officer Wigglesworth as played by Carl] We're on the same side of the law. But honey, let's put a positive spin on it. The truth is you deserve a kiss. Rachel Crawford: Exactly what were Eddie's instructions? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wrong, cummerbund breath. Harriette Winslow: You have to understand, back in Detroit where he's from, the police are considered the enemy, so he doesn't trust them. Waldo: I'm sorry, Steve. So long! Carl Otis Winslow: He's trouble. That's not enough time for Rambo to blow anything up. If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'cute-cumber.'. Steve Urkel: I will not be bullied! I was on the bus on the way to day camp when all of a sudden my eyes started to water and I started coughing up all this green stuff. Harriette: At my table, you eat them. "Tomorrow, Dad!" You may be my boss, but that does not give you the right to come into my home and be obnoxious to my husband and his friends. Steve Urkel: Why, come back here, you little hussy! I'm wearin' you down baby, I'm wearin' you DOWWWWNN! The next minute rump roast! Look, Steve. I'm going home! You have a lot of qualitites girls really go for. He's usually knee deep in dead mosquitoes. [Calls Laura's Cell and gets OGD instead]. I'm not your personal doormat. Steve Urkel: Don't we remind you of The Temptations? Steve Urkel: Oh, positive. Laura: [gasps] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry please forgive me. [Goes to feel his head]. Harriette you're the one who said you're fat. Steve Urkel: I have to tell you, Mr. Winslow. I can assure you that we Urkels are a fine, old family, with a proud name. Carl Otis Winslow: [to himself] That's just was well because we might not be allowed to go back into that restaurant again. Laura: We're not going anywhere until the ground rules are straight. Steve Urkel: My "play-ground pass"? Never snort with a hangover! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Wait just a minute here, Mr.McClure. What's for dinner, milk and cookies? Laura: Steve, I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd tutor Todd. That's Lt. Murtaugh. I had 8 shots of Espresso, a 6-pack of Jolt Cola, and a large bowl of Froot Loops with extra sugar. Stefan Urkelle: It's not just a transformation chamber. Laura: Steve Urkel, you are the most annoying human being that I have ever met! Laura Lee Winslow: You're lucky, you got into a great fraternity and all it cost you was your best friend. No phones. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Waldo come to the Witness Stand. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Stephan] Laura Winslow, you are the sun, the rain, and the wind that flowers my soul. Right now you have over a 100 crazed teenagers in your backyard ready to boogie. You know, I was exposed to this sort of thing when I was growing up, but I always hoped it would be different for my kids. I mean the guy's a feeb. You know you'll never reach it, but you have to keep trying. Laura: She didn't need a hairstylist, she needs a fairy godmother! He finished his Christmas shopping weeks ago and never asked me for a penny. Colonel Dirk Urkel! It was my nickname in preschool! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: How could you mess this up? Please, my little Rapunzel. [Eddie groans as Carl walks in to brighten his mood], [Eddie leaves with Carl to hang out with him. The man was open all day! Harriette: I don't know. Harriette Winslow: Carl Otis Winslow, I'm ashamed of you. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh, no thanks, I went before I left. Why are you guys dressed like that? Carl Otis Winslow: Well is she still crying? Steve Urkel: Yeah, and then if you sneeze why, your entire head explodes like a cherry bomb in a cantaloupe. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Freddy Krueger! Harriette Winslow: [grabbing Carl's hair] Carl [Takes her hand away, looking at it before placing it on top of his head instead]. Topics Nerd. Your father waited at the Box Office for an hour. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Where are we going, Willie? Eddie Winslow, front and center! Wa chee! Not when it's swirling around a porcelain tank. I'm playing Boyd double or nothing. Steve Urkel: Well, that may be what happened, but it won't be what the people believe. What did you do? Waldo: Fifteen and that's as high as I'm going. Our limo awaits. "I have a pen, you have a phone number. Weasel: [pulls out a lot of cash from his pockets] Look at this $1500 dead presidents and the homies are still coming in. You've got twenty-four hours to drop out of the race or we publish the picture. [removes Carl's napkin from his shirt and tosses it on the coffee table]. Laura: Look, I owe you an apology. Stefan Urkelle: Well, it could be a few days, or weeks, or [Steve voice] any minute now! And I'm sorry. Laura Lee Winslow: What're you guys going to see at the dinner theater? Laura Lee Winslow: Let's just take that risk. Laura Lee Winslow: Hey, my locker's open! Eddie: [chuckling] I know this one! Does that about cover it? No! Myra Monkhouse: I rearranged the chamber. I can see my dad! Laura: Curtis, I got my hair done, my nails. Grab a blanket and go sleep in the bathtub. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Rachel Crawfish? Laura: Not when the bomb is in the basement with you! Eddie: As a starting forward of the school team, it's my duty to play round ball not nerd ball. It's late. Carl Otis Winslow: I recognized him right away. Carl, someone parked their own piece of junk in our driveway. What do you get when you multiply a negative by a negative? Snap, Sidekick: [with the Serpents] All the doo-dah day. This semester we're Steven, you'd better get going. And, he's got something that he didn't have before. Steve Urkel: [Climbs over the balcony and falls] Oh! No wonder you're my favorite grandchild. I'm drawn to you. Harriette Winslow: Mr. Niedermeyer, the only thing that's gonna go by is you. I'll be in all the videos. But I like myself, and that makes me cool. I can turn you down without destroying your ego. Carl Otis Winslow: Tomorrow. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh that's sweet, what did he say? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: It was Jan Matzeliger, in 1883. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What kind of plans? People stopped and starred, called me names, and some even spit at me. Steven Quincy Urkel: Gee, I don't know, the speedometer only goes to thirty. You think she'll really kiss Steve? And I like the Red Sox. Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah. Well, name a couple. next semester, are ya? Steve Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? Me and the guys were going to have a flyer party next Saturday when you go out of town. Steve Urkel: [thinking he's playing hide and seek with Laura, Eddie, & Judy and a shower starts running] That shower running doesn't fool me Laura! A mouse to cheese! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Harriette, stupid means good. [Runs with Steve to confront Waldo and Weasel], [Eddie tries to flirt with a cute girl, unaware that Carl is behind him]. Carl: Rachel, Carl was my great grandfather's name and there is no way that I'm gonna change it. Willie Fuffner: [Grabs Steves gloves] Urkel, you are dead meat! She actually said, "Human Being". [opens fire at Urkelbot who catches all the rounds in his hand], Urkelbot: [Urkelbot walks up to the robber and drops the bullets on the floor before lifting the robber off the floor with one hand], Urkelbot: [Terminator Impression] Hasta la vista, baby! Carl Otis Winslow: [Laura comes home distraught] Laura, what happened? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Chuck is twice the man Raoul is. We were just having a little fun. Steven Quincy Urkel: Land sakes, woman. There's a lot of bad pickup lines out there. Carl Otis Winslow: Look at it again, Harriette. Carl Otis Winslow: It's full, Harriet! He's a very large man who should be here any minute now. On the way to the Sizzle Club, I took a little detour to the precinct. Sergeant Shishka: Urkel, Winslow, you are not on my list of new recruits. This causes Steve, Waldo and Weasel to leave and Eddie laughs nervously]. Ms. Steuben: Well, I guess he's changed a little. First of all, this is not a real date. Myrtle Urkel: Oh, just two weeks. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: L means lousy. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: over and over and over. Laura: Maybe not, there has to be some guy who doesn't have a date. Clarence has under control. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yeah, well you have to get rid of them. Steve Urkel: Your Honor, I would like to call Waldo Faldo! You're a fine man.You'll be spending the month of May in your room, but you're a fine young man. [Steve comes out of the freezer at Rachel's Place shivering]. I probably had the heater up on high and they wilted. Steve Urkel: Now, relax, Eddie. Steve Urkel: Hi Laura, my little sweet potata! Steve Urkel: [whispering] I bent my dagger. It was right in your favorite spot. Steve Urkel on CBS? Laura: Steve, I can't talk now. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No, I *am* a serious little nerd. Harriette Winslow: Laura, you've had your head in those books all morning, got a big test coming up? "Some people are ignorant, they're afraid, they hate anybody and anything that's different. Steve Urkel: And lose that wonderful ocean flavor? This isn't my grandmother. Carl Otis Winslow: Hello. To rob and murder? Harriette Winslow: Now let's hit the sack. Does that about cover it? Laura: We're not going anywhere. When is that party supposed to be. I'll teach you. [Faces Eddie] Look at him, charming, handsome, popular. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [shocked] And he brought hooters! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I have been scared straight, I saw a guy who had a tattoo of a battleship. Did I do that? aries: "You strike me as a woman who has never been satisfied. The people that did this to us are teaching the same GARBAGE to their kids. Steve Urkel: No, well, actually it's my Uncle Ernie's hearse. Do these guys have game? Wha? 1. [just got lemon tart filling thrown at him]. Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, your old man's read a book or two. The lovestruck genius of Steve Urkel. Once, I found them in Milwaukee living under an assumed name! Carl Otis Winslow: That's wonderful, son. [the half nerd side of Carl goes into the anatomy of worms. [after Steve's Urk-yeast exploded all over the room]. Second, no one must ever know about this "non-date". The '90s series "Family Matters" may have been about the Chicago-based Winslow family, but the show's breakout character was actually Winslow neighbor Steve Urkel. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh, well how did that happen? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [Stands up] Dad, I'm not implying. Rachel Crawford: Mother Winslow, when you when you Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Bite the big one? [after Carl comes out of the busted transformation chamber in an Urkel like fashion, due to Myra's tampering]. [Eddie leaves and Carl puts the chair away] Well that took care of everything. [reading] "Mongu! Steve Urkel: Laura? Waldo: Man, they didn't even know who we were. Harriette Winslow: Are your parents happy with the new you? Edward! Steve Urkel: Because, I love you love you love you! I offered you my heart and you stomped that sucker flat! We'll start with a common Korean phrase. Eddie borrowed money from me. Heapingly, overflowingly, full! Carl: Maybe you can even resurrect your band. Laura: [grabbing his arm] Ooh! Lionel: Really? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Get lost, Laura! Maxine Johnson: Was there a line to get your pictures taken when you guys walked in? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Can it be a 976 number? That's all. Laura Lee Winslow: What you did for me tonight was really special. Could you write that A down on a piece of paper? Steven Quincy Urkel: I'm not through! All the pins look like Laura! Well, actually it's Quincy, but you guys get the picture. Eddie: I guess this means you're gonna ground us, huh? Steve Urkel: [dropping his bowling ball and hyperventilating]. When I look in your eyes, I see a very kind soul. This has never happened before. Steve is clumsy and obsessive yet charismatic and likable. Harriette Winslow: And it would be nice if you would support me sometimes instead of hiding behind your napkin and caring what the other people think. Steve Urkel: I've fallen and I can't get up! Could you write that 'A' down on a piece of paper? Steve Urkel: Boyd whipped Eddie. Willie Fuffner: [Wipes his own mouth] Thank you. Weasel: Hey loosen up, Eduardo. Laura: Waldo, what's with Steve, he's acting wierd, even for him! Or are they just lame? Ms. Steuben: Oh, good. Laura Lee Winslow: Oh lord, you're gonna die. Will you marry me? The wind has chapped my lips. Waldo: I can't talk to girls. Aunt Oona: Well not good, my kitchen exploded. Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: Fuffner, I've heard of some low things in my time, but forcing Laura to go to the dance with me is plain dispicable. Why, I guarantee you he has studied the best! Alright. Now I know, I'm not worthy of you- but I love you more now then I did then- Laura Lee Winslow- will you marry me? Family Matters is an American sitcom series that originated on ABC from September 22, 1989 to May 9, 1997, before moving to CBS from September 19, 1997 to July 17, 1998. The truth is you deserve a kiss. Laura: Let's eat everything and see if he can take a joke! Harriette Winslow: Oh, well it's nice to meet you, Curtis. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What the heck is wrong with you? [crying], Maxine Johnson: [Maxine starts to laugh while talking to Steve] Ooh, hoo hoo. When's it going to end? Should I be getting some Handi-Wipes? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Tries to hold Eddie from pounding their friends] Eddo. Why, a few sessions on the Muscle Master and you'll be drooling over my deltoids. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What's that? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 10, Went to the market. Did you think of me while you guys were camping? Just blacked out for a second there! I can't! What do you have to say for yourselves? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I'll bet that's what the bug was thinking, too! You understand? 8. Steve Urkel: Why, sure! 1 The Shrink Machine Was Made To Make The Winslows Plenty Of Money. Carl Otis Winslow: But, apparently you seem want to learn it the hard way, well so be it. Steve who? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Oh don't worry they promised to come back tomorrow. I'm wearing a Bart Simpson's mug. Harriette Winslow: So what you're saying is it's full. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What're you so happy about? I'm a person, and I have feelings, and I demand to be treated with respect and dignity! Carl Otis Winslow: 150 extra people on what should've been a small family affair. While he was starring in "Family Matters" as Steve Urkel, White also began a side hustle as another staple of the era's popular culture . Steve Urkel: Uh-oh. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I call Waldo Faldo up. Steve Urkel: [sobbing] In about a week or so, but she gonna have to miss the prom. Laura Lee Winslow: [crying] Steve why do you always say things like that? Becky Sue: Oh, we couldn't do that. Waldo: I said he Hey, you can't trick me! Rodney Beckett: YOU thought you were smart? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well, so is Urkelbot! Steve Urkel: Well, the earth didn't exactly move for me either! Harriette Winslow: But, apparently, you seem to want to learn these things the hard way, so be it. Your grandma is gonna fight for your right to party. Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 24th, Raoul's houseoat is beautiful. Then there's in the summer, when we use him as a human bug zapper. Lt.Murtaugh: Do you know that woman Winslow? Excuse me Waldo, is there something written on your arm? Laura: So, Myrtle, how long are you gonna be around? Willie Fuffner: That's different, you're my friend. And what about the car show last Saturday? Laura Lee Winslow: He didn't need to. Trying to cover it up only make things worse. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Waldo heads into the kitchen as Steve emerges] You o.k., Eddo? Myra Monkhouse: Mr.Winslow, I am very sorry. Carl Otis Winslow: Laura, what's going on in here? Ty: Actually I haven't got my wings yet and I play the keyboard. I realize the reason you don't love me is because I'm weak. I've had more food than this stuck in between my teeth. Some of our pickup lines are just for laughs. Harriette Winslow: And you think I'm FAT? Where do I sign? Laura: Steve, did you eat that moldy cheese? Steve Urkel: L-long enough to get i-icicles on my nose hair Look! But, if I'm not, the last two words you'll ever say will be, "A Choo.". Lt. Murtaugh: Keep the pace, Mr. Backwards Hat! This is my mother. Steve Urkel: You yelled at me and you called me a butthead! Ha ha! Sara Sue Pettyjohn: [stuck up toward Myrtle's lack of style and class] That's the difference between *old* money and *new* money. Yesterday Richie and 3J were playing 'Nick and Carl'. Your dad's runnin' late. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: The librarian, a white man that I'd known all my life, pushed me out into the street and told me never to come back. Aunt Oona: The water main snapped when the roof collapsed. Urkel defeats him]. Eddie: I don't believe wat just happened, dad took Waldo to the bulls game. Maxine Johnson: It happens every year the day of the prom. Waldo: Don't do it, Urkel! Carl Otis Winslow: [packing up the camping gear] Boy that was great, a family weekend in the wilderness. Steve Urkel: I've got an Uncle Dirk Urkel who was blessed with a two-foot long nose hair. Take out the trash Edward, "Tomorrow Dad!" Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Well I for one am appalled. Steven Quincy Urkel: But I'm going the recommended cruising speed for this vehicle Any more could be risky.